Monkey Diplomacy

The Old Monkey says it takes one to know one.  And so it goes with international diplomacy!  We have the largest collection of the most intelligent monkeys ever assembled in Washington.  We have elected and appointed them to high office to conduct the country’s business every day.  Yet when it comes to international diplomacy the compelling evidence is that an off-hand remark by a lesser monkey can change the conversation from planning World War III to negotiating for peace.

It was clearly not planned that way, but that’s the way it worked out.  No planning, no fore-thought, no presumption of reason, and no credit for the outcome.  The buck, which presumably exists somewhere, is nowhere to be found.  The buck is stopped by a monkey. Secretary of State Monkey, John Kerry, who married into money, was swift boated into election Hall of Fame, made slanderous comments before congress about the country’s military, and who is defending our #1 monkey’s war planning, makes an off-hand comment, and suddenly World War III is averted.

All credibility must go to Russia’s chief monkey, Putin, America’s arch enemy, who has been scheming for ways to destroy America for years.  He agrees that Syria’s turning all poison gas over to international inspection and control is a workable plan, and should be pursued by all means.  This is the same monkey who regularly appears for the cameras with pectorals well-oiled while riding on horseback.  Is this monkey any different from our beloved former representative and current candidate for mayor of New York City, Anthony, the political monkey, Weiner?

With our #1 monkey, the president, scheduled to deliver a prime-time speech this evening, is there any doubt that he will make every effort to turn this off-hand comment into his own secret plan, which he has shared with nobody.  How surprising, and how pleasant it would be, if he was able to admit that this masterful turn of international diplomacy was the outgrowth of a lesser monkey’s off-hand comment.  What a revelation that would be!

We should recall that Kerry’s response is a description of a planned attack on another sovereign country, an act of war.  In this context he is defining down a planned act of war, and shrinking it in size so tiny that not even the Syrians could take offense.  For years we have been dumbing down our schools.  Now we are dumbing down our military.

Putting this entire jigsaw puzzle of pieces together produces a clear picture of the collaborative wisdom of our esteemed leaders, monkeys all.  Could a real monkey, intelligent of course, have done as much in a shorter period of time?

Are we actually replaying Bob Newhart’s Infinite Number of Monkeys?  In that story an infinite number of monkeys are hired to write all the great pieces of literature on an equally infinite number of typewriters.  Because they are monkeys, of course, it was necessary to hire monitors to read what the monkeys write in their infinite wisdom.  One of the monitors reads from one monkey’s random typing as follows:  “To be or not to be; that is the Gazornon plan.”  Doesn’t this sound like the perfect solution to shovel ready jobs?

Are today’s monkeys in Washington any better?  Have we evolved at all, or are we only a stone’s throw from our four legged cousins who are vastly superior to us climbing trees?

Are we experiencing The Planet of the Apes?  Hello!! That’s a movie.  Or was it?

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